She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
