Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize