Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You took a bar mat shot.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
