I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
