I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i've created a new STD.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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