anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
