I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
