i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
In other news, I just burned my penis
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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