The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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