I'm lost and stupid without you.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
