Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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