She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
