You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
