she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize