you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
