So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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