someone get that fucking seahorse.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
