can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
