Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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