It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
