I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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