I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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