I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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