PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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