There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
