My Higher Power is John Stamos
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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