I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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