Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
