Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
