He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
