I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
