never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
