Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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