I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
