The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
