It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
