i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
