I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
