everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
