There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
