every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Watching her eat just hurts me
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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