i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can you bring me the toilet please
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
