guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So apparently I’m into choking now
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