you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
