I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
no, he came in my armpit
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
