I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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