ya dads aren't the best wingmen
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
