Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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