Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
