just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
