I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize