You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
