i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
