Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
