all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
