god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
