btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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