I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
