he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
