I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
