My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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