You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize