i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
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