ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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