i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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