Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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