Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
