Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think a kid would responsible me up
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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