I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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